Beatrice Schultz

“And Jesus wept.”

-John 11:35-

The last 2 months have been filled with varying doses of Loss, hurt, disappointment, un-forgiveness, anger and judgement for me.
When we loose a loved one, one of the questions we ask is why? Why Lord why? Why that person and why now? I recently lost a bosom friend, a soul sister I called her. The love we shared was simple and easy, we talked we laughed we had deep meaningful conversations about life, love, family, money etc. It has been a hard journey of trying to come to terms with this new reality.

Smells, songs, moments, celebrations and events all remind me of her and the things we did together and the Facebook memory app doesn’t make it easier by popping pictures into my feed: “a year ago today, 2 years ago today…
I haven’t gotten the answer as to why but I have come to understand that the emotions that are going through me are ok. It’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to wonder, it’s ok to cry.
How do we move past loss? How do we “get over it?” How do we become “normal” again after loosing someone?

The reality is that we don’t.

I have lost dreams, ideas, loved ones and things, and one thing that I have learnt through the losses is that each loss breaks you… It leaves you in a place of confusion, as if the very ground you stood upon has been removed and you no longer have ground to stand upon.

The very life you knew no longer exists, and the thing that upset me the most is that life doesn’t stop to allow you time to process it all, life keeps on moving, deadlines have to be met, laundry has to be done, food made. Life looks at you like “We have to keep on going.” But how do I keep on going when I feel broken and dead inside? How do I keep on going when everything I knew to be true has been shattered?

This pandemic has brought its fair share of loss, and we all find ourselves mourning in one way or the other. I have learnt to embrace sadness like in the movie Inside Out. Sadness is a beautiful emotion it allows us to introspect and realign. It allows us to stop, pause and evaluate where we are. In sadness and allowing ourselves to be sad we break down walls and allow people to see us in our most vulnerable and yes that’s scary but it allows us to receive the help we need.

So to answer the questions in the beginning: do we move past loss? No we don’t, the loss becomes a part of us and builds new levels of beauty within us. Like the Japanese art Kintsugi the brokenness fused together with gold and transforms us into beautiful new people. We don’t get over it, our lives will never be the same again, it becomes a part of us and we live through the pain, embracing it and allowing ourselves to experience every facet of it.
As we enter the second half of the year breathe …

Appreciate the things you have, work systematically towards the things you would like to have and keep dreaming about the future you envision for yourself.
Nothing is permanent: not happy times and not sad times, but each time allows you to grow and become.

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.